and they said ADD wasn't real

I spent all day studying for Step; seriously, I spent 8 hours of my life today looking at medical facts and pneumonics that I will never use after June 15th. But that's not actually the point of all this, after all, that is excessively boring and not even my psychiatrist would sit here and read all the whining that I could fit on this pageh. So, after an entire day of very serious information I am struggling to fall asleep because I can't stop thinking about miniature horses. I am not joking with you; one should never joke about subjects as important as the abomination to evolution that is the mini horse. Don't ask me what prompted this 30 min in-depth contemplation, because I honestly couldn't tell you. I'm sure it had something to do with some random thought that occurred right before it--or maybe it didn't-- I can never really predict if that's true once the Vyvanse wears off. 

My big question is why the hell do mini horses exist? I really don't understand them. I guess they could pull tiny little mini carts, but it seems like you could buy a St. Bernard for the same purpose and they tend to be a lot nicer and they can also double as a bartender if you fill that little barrel around their neck with booze. Mini horses don't bring you a drink! They don't do anything but crap, eat, and bite you when you try to pet them. Maybe if you where a gnome or elf of some sort, then you might need a one, but since gnomes and elves aren't real, along with vampires (thank god) damn tiny horses have no appropriate riders or useful function, just like pasty "straight" men who glitter.  You have to be like 40 lbs to ride a horse that size and according to the NFL play 60 commercials kids today are extra hefty and in that case shouldn't they be walking they're fat asses somewhere instead of riding a mini horse? I guess you could argue that they're good for really young kids because they are small and unintimidating, but it seems like if you are just going to lead them around in a circle with a two year old on their back you could do the same thing with a goat. I mean the kids two; he sure as hell doesn't know the difference, and at least the goat can makes some freaking awesome cheese. Goats can mow your lawn too and fertilize at the same time with their little goat poops....Do mini horses mow lawns? No they do not

Now that I have concluded that mini horses are indeed useless and quite possibly the spawn of satan, I have another important question.  Where does the term "i'll be a monkey's uncle " come from? I really would love to know. Is it like a Darwin thing where people "omg i can't beleive I'm related to a monkey.... I am so surprised that's actually true" .... or was it some poor guy who found out that the very unattractive nephew his sister kept mailing him pictures of was indeed a chimpanzee? I need to know this