throwing down the gauntlet

I have another post already written and will put it up if and when Kristen puts something up.... slacker!

Disney messes with your mind

So I was supposed to write a lovely "dear John" letter to medical school today explaining why I hated its guts and I wanted it to die and that I would never talk to it again..... unfortunately Dr. E pulled some crazy Jedi mind trick shit and I may be coming back after I "clear my mind", which is just another term for be a hippie for 6 months. Needless to say  I have been a little stressed lately and when I get stressed I start contemplating what has gone wrong in my life.... and let me tell you there is a lot to contemplate. I think the most recent and important contemplation has to do with the fact that I might be a little stupid when it comes to science and biology. I blame this on cartoons! I mean seriously; I read zoo books and thought I completely understood the animal kingdom.... BUT NO!

So lets start with the hard questions here; i mean lets just get down to the nitty gritty and move on. Why the fuck is Goofy a dog and he can talk and walk and act the fool and Pluto can do nothing but bark!? Was he some how stunted or bumped on the head or did he ride "the short bus to school", because I see no practical explanation for this. It's not just Goofy either! This is happening all over the cartoon animal kingdom and there is absolutely no consistency to what animals can and can't talk. It used to be that only the cute ones could communicate, which as a 6 year old girl I totally understood and agreed with; I mean seriously who wanted a gross toad talking to them.... they are clearly icky and full of germs and would never be invited to any self respecting kindergartners tea party. But now it really doesn't matter at all what they look like. I mean for God's sake there is a freaking sponge that talks! A sponge!!!! And all his poor snail can say is "meow." I would pay so much money to hear what Gary the snail is thinking; I would imagine most thoughts involve violent ways of killing sponge bob because no one could honestly spend and extended period with him with out wanting to scrub a dirty mens room toilet with him and throwing him in the trash. Also, it can't be based on intelligence of said animal because either way you look at it sponges are literally the lowest form on the animal chain.... i mean like legit they have their own category they are so close to not being actual animals.

Then once you start getting deeper into this "saturday morning taxonomy" you start to think about the way all these animals talk. For example Scooby and Scrappy Doo. Clearly from the same family, but Scooby can only start words with R while Scrappy talks completely normal and won't shut the fuck up! Perhaps they were just really inbred and Scooby has a speech impediment while Scrappy has Achondroplasia (can dogs even get that?).... either way no five year old should have to think that hard!

My vote is that we just end this now. Have a conference of cartoon biological experts meet at some exotic location like "Animal Kingdom" in disney world and just hammer this out! FOR THE CHILDREN'S SAKE!.... after all they are out future, and don't they deserve more than Sponge Bob?

let's play a game

mmmk here is a new game we can play to preserve my sanity.... it's a version of free word association but with med school students... feel free to add to the fun
the phrase is Spinal tap:

Med students think........

]

Normal people think.......

.....But it goes to 11?!

normal people are so much more fun

chats with Kristen

Kate: Homosexuals may cross-dress for fun on occasion.... DIT just taught me that...
Kristen: everything we need to know in life we can learn from Rue Paul's Drag Race

Kate: Holy crap! did you get raptures already? (no answer from Kristen) So now that u've been raptured... assuming you still have phone service..... can I have your cat bank?
Kristen: oh you're not in heaven right now too.... Awkwaard!
Kate: How do you still have service? Is sprint the official service provider of heaven?
Kristen: Totally! There's a ton of billboards..."Sprint: official sponsor of clouds and shit"

Kristen: A tornado almost ate our hotel last night!
Kate: seriously?
Kristen: they had us all gathered in the ball room down stairs.... cuz tornados don't like to dance i guess

Kate: pregnancy can give you sheehans and cancer! so you are fat and hairy and uterus-less... then no man will want you! Then all you gots is a baby daddy wif no child support cause he don't wanna claim he eva slept wif you and you gots to go on maury and get a DNA test and  yell "he look just like you! Even yo mamma say so!"
Kristen: for real! and then he gunna yell somethin like "look at that baby's knee! that knee don't look nuthin like mine!"
Kate: we should watch more maury
Kristen: no, i think we should just start our own show. With Oprha gone someone needs to inform the public not to have babies

Kate: i took  a nap today and karma rewarded me with dog vomit on the floor when i got up... no more naps for me
Kristen: kate, you can't let a little dog vomit control how you run your life

Kate: i think a tetanus carrying rabbid raccoon crawled up into my shoulder and died because it is super stiff and on fire
Kristen: maybe its just your body rejecting the studying
Kate: are you sure its not the raccoon because I feel like this is somethinng we might want to inform the public about on our new show.... its what oprha would do
Kristen: very true. you know my toe has been hurting and i thought it was my shoes but maybe its one of those damn raccoons. We need this show as a platform to warn the people!
Kate: i feel like if we don't get this show soon... people may die from being uniformed
Kristen: definitely. i feel like our having a show might save the rainforest
Kate: might?! Will!

blood is a laxative

Today I learned something else amazing about the human body. Did you know that blood is a laxative? I sure as hell didn't, because if I had I would have been telling this to every twighlight fan I encountered. That's right bitches.... not only does Edward look like a geeky goth kid after a Ke$ha concert, but he also has to take a shit A LOT! Matt says that its possible that vampires don't poop like we do; He maintains that they actually excrete their poop in glitter form on there skin. This would mean they are literally covered in crap; I also don't hate this hypothesis.
In fact, pretty much the only thing I do hate is this damn vampire craze that has somehow still managed to stay around. When the hell is that last movie coming out? cause I want to know when I will no longer have to see "sneak previews of Bella with baby" and never have to hear R. Pats and K. Stew again! I may have a party.
The entire idea behind the book is ridiculous! The dowdy, boring, plain girl in high school did not get to go out with the two most coveted boys in school on friday night.... she got to go to her sofa with her cat, a pint of ben and jerry's, and lifetime movie marathon. If she did get invited somewhere is was usually because her parents knew someone else's parent who insisted that she get an invitation. And vampires aren't supposed to be heroic and valiant; they're supposed to be ugly hideous creatures who suck your blood! They were modeled after a guy named Vlad the Impaler! Does that sound like a guy you would want to hang out with? maybe go for dinner and a movie in a dark theatre? HELL NO! because he's going to fucking IMPALE YOU!!
The sooner this is over the better. Maybe after all is said and done we can teach girls to have normal role models like Susan B. Anthony and that if a boy says he's a vampire and he wears glitter all over it either means he's probably "batting for the other team" or he's fucking nuts.... either way he's not someone you want to spend time with.